i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
