what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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