I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
