you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
