I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
