just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
