Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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