those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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