I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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