we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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