he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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