Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
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Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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