why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
