it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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