i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
