i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
