He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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