Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
two words: eviction party
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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