Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
