it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
