my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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