didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
