hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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