Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You can't just leave with hair like that
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
