I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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