Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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