I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
