you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
