Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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