im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
