you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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