So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
