And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
