Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
