I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
