Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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