just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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