I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
