dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
