Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
