I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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