I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
