I just saw a hot homeless man
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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