didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
