Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
