One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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