just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
