I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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