I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
