At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
thus making me awesome and them whores
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
