My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
