I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
