My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
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His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
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Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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