she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
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It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
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No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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