So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
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im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
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Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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