God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
