You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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