Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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