If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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