I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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