Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
