Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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