How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I came so hard my ears popped.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
