his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
