Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
