How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We need to get me chipped asap
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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