girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
