We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
