I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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