Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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