woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
