don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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