I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
